MY DAD COULDN'T BREATHE
“What do you mean he can’t breathe?” I asked my sister. “Dad had to go to the hospital but is okay now. But he’s too tired to have the whole family come visit. It’s just too much,” she said as she choked back tears.
Understandable. Conor is 4 years old and exhausts both my wife and me. Imagine what he could do to an 84-year old man with compromised lungs after smoking his whole life.
I bit the bullet. Bought the ticket. And flew from Boston to Austin. My sister and I packed up her car and headed for San Benito.
We gossiped. Griped. Laughed. And wondered. What would life be like if we lived closer. Before you know it, 7 hours had passed. We had arrived.
“Dad, you look great!” I said, since he looked completely normal. “Well, I can breathe again,” Dad said with his usual dry humor.
I called the family to let them know all was okay with Grandpa Texas. We used Facetime so Conor could see him. Conor says, “Hi grandpa Texas. I heard your lungs weren’t feeling well. Are you okay?”
“Sure, I’m okay,” he said as he lifted his arms up in a sign of victory. Conor says, “Good, then dad you can come back home tonight.” I sure do love my boy.
Three more days of comfort, laughs and memories to store away. Good Mexican food. And a few prayers that this wouldn’t be the last time I’d see my dad alive.
“Sister Ko, you sure you don’t want me to drive?” “Nah, I’ve got this bro,” my sister said as we left the immigration checkpoint in our rear view mirror. Seven hours blew by and we were back in Austin.
Next day, back in Boston. How does it all go so fast? “Hey Conor. Hey Val, I’m back.” We hugged and we were one again. And now, it’s our turn to breathe easier.
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JUST ARRIVED IN SWITZERLAND TODAY
We left Paris this morning for Geneva, Switzerland. We arrived at 1pm but as it was Sunday, nothing was open. So myself and two colleagues walked the streets of Geneva contemplating the plan of attack tomorrow as we descend on Franck Muller, the critically acclaimed Swiss watchmaker, to do our film about how his ‘world’s most complicated’ watches are made. Christian was feeling pretty daring and decided to take on the Swiss traffic of lions, tigers and bears. He came away unscathed.
The Franck Muller story is scheduled to go live in September so stay tuned and I’ll let you know when it shows up on our client’s site; BornToDesign.tv. In the meantime, check out the website to see Michael Czysz and his world’s fastest electric motorcycle that we shot back in February.
And now, it’s time to call my wife and 6-month old son to see how they’re doing. Being a dad now, as much fun as I have on the road, I’m never far away from my family in my mind. I miss them. - See more at: http://dadsdecoded.com/blog/index_files/archive-apr-2012.html#sthash.H6iEDYW5.dpuf
HOW DO DADS COPE WITH TRAVELING AWAY FROM THEIR KIDS
As my team from Small Army and Old Harbor Productions travel together through Europe shooting small films for SolidWorks, I noticed that the producer was taking out a little Buzz Lightyear and snapping photos in front of iconic locations throughout our trip. I couldn’t help but finally ask what was up with all the Buzz pictures. Steve told me that his son is 4 years old and looks forward to his dad taking pictures of Buzz throughout the world. Buzz has been to more places that most of us could ever hope to go. Steve’s son loves this. And so does Steve. After all, he spends about 80% of his time traveling the world to create commercials and films for big name clients like GM, Audi, Gillette and SolidWorks to name just a few.
I thought it would be interesting to do a Google search to see how prevalent the topic is on the internet. You know, to see how other dads cope and offer advice to other dads. The search was, The search was, "How do dads cope with traveling away from their kids“. “The very first Google find was, “How could men get away without paying child support?” The second was by a mom blogger who wrote, “Kids acting out cuz they miss their dads.” And finally, “Moving away and custody of fathers.” Maybe it’s just a matter of bad SEO from other sites but this is what came up. Nowhere were dads talking about how they cope with being away from their kids. I thought that Steve’s approach was a great idea. Where ever he goes in the world, he feels a connection when he takes out Buzz Lightyear from his busy job, and takes a moment to snap a picture of Buzz LIghtyear conquering foreign lands in a polymer plastic uniform that could only be from the future. Steve then sends the pictures home and his son knows that his dad is always thinking of him as he introduces Buzz to new places but will ultimately return to the loving arms of his son.
My 6-month old son has no idea that daddy is traveling. He simply knows that I don’t exist when I’m not there. After 13 days apart I will magically appear again. I expect that he will hear my voice and see my smiling face and break out into a giant smile and uncontrollably kick and shake with delight and forgive me for magically disappearing for so long. And while I love traveling and meeting intelligent people with great stories, I never stop thinking of my son. And when i see others pushing their child’s stroller or hear a child cry, I feel a yank at my heart, or is it my soul, that says, get home quickly. One of the things I do to cope with being away from my son is writing this blog to stay connected to dadhood in a small way. It’s important for me to do something every day that involves my son even if I’m not home. So the blog is one way. Shopping for small presents is also rewarding. And as a songwriter, writing little songs about or for him also scratches the itch of being a dad who may not be with his child but is still connecting the best way he can think of. This to me, is very important to being a dad.
Tomorrow we travel to Germany for our last film of this trip. It will last 4 days and then I will be back home in Boston to see my brave and loving wife, and my perpetually happy son. I hope they greet me with open arms.
If you have any stories or suggestions of how you cope when away from your family, please let us know. We dads can use all the help we can get.
MY 6 1/2 MONTH OLD SON SAYS, "DADDA," WHEN I COME HOME FROM EUROPE
After 14 days in Europe on business, I came home at 6pm and my wife came down the stairs to welcome me home with our 6 month old son in her arms. My wife told Conor, “Look who’s home, Conor. It’s daddy.” And my son look confused for about 10 seconds and then he got a giant grin on his face and his arms started flailing. Then his feet started kicking. Suddenly, his jaw dropped and for about 10 minutes, he couldn’t close his mouth. He was smiling with his mouth wide open. When he finally was able to close his mouth, he started saying, da da. I had never heard him say it before. My wife said that he had started saying da da only that morning without any coaxing from her.
I took this recording later that same evening when we finished eating dinner.
I looked online to see if there is some sort of magic age that an infant starts talking. It looks like about as early as 6 months but most start around 9 months. So if you’re child isn’t saying words by 6 months, don’t sweat it.
CONOR CRAWLS FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY
May 17th, 2012 at 7:37am, Conor decided to crawl for the first time. I happened to be cleaning the camera when I saw him and shot this :10 video as he came crawling to me. I told Valerie to come check him out. When she saw him crawling she started crying. I looked back at Conor to see what had happened that would cause her to cry. But he was just kneeling there smiling. I looked back to see if she was fine but she was still crying. Then I was really confused. Finally, it hit me that she was crying because she was happy and sad that he was crawling. It was another one of those milestones that reminds us that he’s getting older and he’ll never be the baby he was. He’s changing. And when it hit me, I was a little sad, too. He’s been such a great baby that it’s hard to admit we’re moving into the next phase of his life and the old phase is now a piece of charming history.
CONOR VISITS AN IRISH FARM IN THE WICKLOW MOUNTAINS
Old tractors. Mended fences. Pigs. Chickens. Cows. Sheep and ducks. Today, Val, Conor and I found ourselves at Greenan Farms in the Wicklow Mountains of Ireland. It was fun watching Conor study each of the animals and try to talk to them in a language only babies and ducklings know. As a dad, I watch my son with an amazing amount of satisfaction and pleasure as his brain grows and he begins to make sense of the world around him. I rest easier knowing that he is finding his way in this world and that he will be his own man. I imagine it sounds silly since he’s only 7 months old but to a dad, I sense that he will be okay. He is friendly, happy, studious and curious. These are qualities that I find both necessary and admirable in a person. And am happy to discover in my son.
READING STORIES TO MY SON WHILE ON THE ROAD
Foresight of my 10 days away from Conor motivated me to drag out the video camera and the tripod and read some of Conor's favorite stories before I left for Stockholm on business. This one is called Holler Loudly and I love hearing my son try to say, "Loudly". I called my wife to see how the two of them were doing and she said that Conor had started to ask about me on a regular basis so she played these videos on the TV and he calmed down and settled into half a dozen videos that I have stored in the section called, "The Reading Corner."
MOM GOES TO IRELAND AND CONOR STARTS DRAWING HIS THOUGHTS
20/01/16 10:29 Filed in: travel | child development
Mom headed to Ireland for her father's 80th birthday yesterday. And Conor has been working out his emotions by drawing pictures. I love it. Last night, we sat in our living room and looked out the front window to watch mom's plane fly by. We live on the ocean and the planes march by our little peninsula every 90 seconds. It's easy to see their logos on their tails and we saw mom fly by like clock work! We waved and hollered and then Conor drew this picture. Hopefully, her plane will keep ascending and won't point its nose down until time to land. But hey, he's barely 4 years old so we'll cut him some slack.
THERE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT BROTHERS
My brother and I don't see much of each other these days, maybe once a year as I live in Boston and he lives in Austin. As Conor turns 5 months old tomorrow, it was good for Michael to finally meet his only nephew. Michael was the first person i told that my wife was pregnant fourteen months ago and i still remember how a tear came to his eye. He was so excited to finally be an uncle and he was glad that I would finally get to understand the joys of being a dad that he felt as a father of four. We probably won't see each other again for 6 months to a year. And those two hours in Mondola's Restaraunt in Austin, Texas will be the only reminder of getting to see my nephews, Michael and Ethen, his his only glimpse of his nephew Conor until we meet again. It's far from ideal but as the world gets smaller, I somehow manage to drift farther from the town i once called home. Still, my brother and I always manage to find something that we still have in common and we hang onto those moments until it's time to say goodbye. This time, it was a conversation of both being dads and how good it feels.
THIS WAS BOUGHT FOR MY 4-YEAR OLD SON 15 YEARS AGO
In 1993, I went to the Borneo jungle for an adventurous vacation. I spent a week in the jungle to see the endangered Proboscis monkey and the endangered Orangutans. It was a hair-raising journey with only myself and a guide. On the final day of my trip, we went to the Sepilok Forest to visit the orangutans. These apes are super intelligent and also bold. They would come down out of the trees and steal people's cameras, hats and umbrellas. They would climb back into the trees and you could often say so-long to your valuables.
I fell in love with these apes and I thought that i would one day soon have a child that would love to play with this stuffed orangutan. It has sat in the closet for over 15 years waiting and just yesterday, I gave it to Conor. He laughed when he saw the hairy ape and began to hug it and play with it. Unfortunately, it started to shed and I got nervous he would swallow some of the hair so after a couple of minutes of playtime, I perched it on the top of the crib where it looks over him, but he can't eat it.