steve kolander
HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY
Conor started to show signs of standing while we were visiting his Mimi in Austin, Texas last week. On St. Patrick's Day, this half Irish baby decided it was time to go for it. I was surprised at his effort. So I did a little research to see what was going on. I wondered if there were some exercises I should be doing to encourage this behavior. According to the Baby Center in the UK, "when it comes to motor development, you don't have to worry about any special exercises. Your baby will progress in a predictable pattern. First, she will achieve head and neck control, then torso and upper body strength, then lower limb strength. In early infancy, a baby may enjoy pushing with her feet or even bouncing as you hold her. Her natural reflexes enable her to engage in this activity, but she won't necessarily always want to take part in this type of play and some babies may not enjoy it at all. Later, when her torso is stronger and she is getting ready to walk, she will be able to stand upright."
Here's the link to the article i found at BabyCenter.com.
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CONOR MEETS KAWLIGA IN AUSTIN FOR THE FIRST TIME
One of my dads's favorite songs when I was growing up was, "Kawliga" by Hank Williams, Sr. It was a song about an old wooden Indian who just stood in front of the tobacco store and never knew love. It was a song of a beautiful Indian maiden who came to the store but because Kawliga was wooden, he could do nothing about another man who came to take the Indian maiden for his own. It was a sad song that would lead a man to drinkin' like all good country songs do. As my son and I passed by the tobacco store on West 7th street in Austin, I felt compelled to take our picture. My wife didn't understand the significance but obliged us just the same.
THERE'S A GOAT IN MY BACKYARD
13/03/12 23:20 Filed in: baby | father | son | grandparents | songs | nursery rhymes | entertainment
Grandparents have the best songs for kids. The stuff we hear these days is watered down kumbaya crap. Conor's grandpa is singing about a goat that will knock you from foolish to silly.
IF A COW CAN JUMP THE MOON
By the time Conor was 3 weeks old, I was already tired of "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star", "You are My Sunshine" and a few other songs I could barely remember from childhood. Bored by the classics, I started making up a song for him and within an hour I had written four verses and a chorus that he seemed to like. Granted he was 3 weeks old but it kept him from crying unlike "The Eyes of Texas Are Upon You," (even though that's not a children't song.) Now Conor is 5 months old and is completely captivated by the song as you can see in this picture. No matter what kind of a rotten day he's having, as soon as I hit the first few notes of the song, he stops crying and starts smiling. Here's the lyrics;
"What Can Little Boys Do When They Try" written and copyrighted by Steve Kolander
If a cow can jump the moon and pigs can learn to fly
What can little boys do when they try
Run and catch a frog, learn to ride a dog
What can little boys do when they try
Find a great big tree, carve a boat and sail the seas
What can little boys do when they try
Build a rocket made of cans, launched with rubber bands
What can little boys do when they try
Try, try, try
What can little boys do when they try, try, try
Anything can happen when you try, try, try
What can little boys do when they try
If a big, bad wolf can smile and three pigs can laugh and cry
What can little boys do when they try
Learn to ride a bike with their hands up in the sky
What can little boys do when they try
Tame a lion with a chair
Juggle monkeys, hug a bear
What can little boys do when they try
Learn to go to bed when their pillow hits their head
What can little boys do when they try
Repeat Chorus and go to bed
GOOD MORNING, SON
Conor awoke at 6am. He didn't scream. He didn't cry. He giggled. And gurgled. And played on his own. I tried to sleep with one eye open but it was no use. I had one ear on Conor. And one ear on my thoughts. Today is the first day of SxSW 2012 and I always get excited about what there is to be learned that will make me a better writer. A better marketer. A better leader. A better blogger. But right now, I decide it's better to just be dad. So I peel back the warm bed cover, walk over to Conor's travel crib, pick him up and kiss him good morning. He rewards me with the best gift a child can give his dad; he smiles at me with all the innocence that the definition offers. I'm proud to be his dad. And he's perfectly content to be my son. I revel in the glory. Knowing it will fade by the time he's a teenager.
NEVER PUT OFF TOMORROW WHAT YOU CAN DO TODAY
The importance of father and son activities can best be seen in this 5-second film I discovered on Vimeo. The moral of the story is to never put off tomorrow what you can do today.
THERE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL ABOUT BROTHERS
My brother and I don't see much of each other these days, maybe once a year as I live in Boston and he lives in Austin. As Conor turns 5 months old tomorrow, it was good for Michael to finally meet his only nephew. Michael was the first person i told that my wife was pregnant fourteen months ago and i still remember how a tear came to his eye. He was so excited to finally be an uncle and he was glad that I would finally get to understand the joys of being a dad that he felt as a father of four. We probably won't see each other again for 6 months to a year. And those two hours in Mondola's Restaraunt in Austin, Texas will be the only reminder of getting to see my nephews, Michael and Ethen, his his only glimpse of his nephew Conor until we meet again. It's far from ideal but as the world gets smaller, I somehow manage to drift farther from the town i once called home. Still, my brother and I always manage to find something that we still have in common and we hang onto those moments until it's time to say goodbye. This time, it was a conversation of both being dads and how good it feels.
THIS WAS BOUGHT FOR MY 4-YEAR OLD SON 15 YEARS AGO
In 1993, I went to the Borneo jungle for an adventurous vacation. I spent a week in the jungle to see the endangered Proboscis monkey and the endangered Orangutans. It was a hair-raising journey with only myself and a guide. On the final day of my trip, we went to the Sepilok Forest to visit the orangutans. These apes are super intelligent and also bold. They would come down out of the trees and steal people's cameras, hats and umbrellas. They would climb back into the trees and you could often say so-long to your valuables.
I fell in love with these apes and I thought that i would one day soon have a child that would love to play with this stuffed orangutan. It has sat in the closet for over 15 years waiting and just yesterday, I gave it to Conor. He laughed when he saw the hairy ape and began to hug it and play with it. Unfortunately, it started to shed and I got nervous he would swallow some of the hair so after a couple of minutes of playtime, I perched it on the top of the crib where it looks over him, but he can't eat it.
TIME FOR A SECOND OPINION ON DOG VS. BABY
Early on in my wife’s pregnancy, I wrote an article on how dogs and newborns get along (click here.) As the final week approaches until our first child’s arrival, we decided to get one last opinion on whether our dog can handle a newborn and whether or not we needed to beware of anything. So, after finding a trainer that specializes in training police dogs as well as public canines, we decided to have our dog evaluated by a respected trainer.
We arrived in the quaint and upscale neighborhood of Brookline Village as the sun was setting. I easily found a parking place and fed the meter its quarters. It ate them like a hungry dog at dinner time. Then myself, Val and El Dog marched across the street to the training center. There were dogs milling about and El Dog was extremely alert as the strange dogs passed by.
As we entered the facility, we were told to go downstairs where our trainer, Francis, was waiting. We pointed out that our dog wasn’t perfectly socialized and may cause a stir. The trainers said, “Great, you’re at the right place. Go downstairs where the dog will get socialized.” So we headed into the basement via the creaky, narrow staircase.
When we got downstairs, there was a class going on and there were 6 dogs in a perfect down stay as a clown of an instructor was skipping around, making a loud racket, juggling tennis balls and letting them fall where they may. The exercise was to teach the dogs to remain in a down position even with the highest distractions around them. It was teaching them self control. It was working. Only one dog popped up to play with the tennis balls. The others were bored and looked at their owners to see if they might be able to play. The owners did not give them permission. It was impressive to watch.
Meanwhile, our dog was excited as hell and wanted to run into the room and grab tennis balls and wreak havoc. El Dog looked at me and I shook my head,” no.” He begrudgingly succumbed and stopped pulling on the leash. Then Francis, our instructor, came over to evaluate El Dog. He pet El Dog and El Dog sniffed him and decided that Francis was okay. Francis asked Val how far along she was and when she said 9 months, he suggested we get started training immediately. We all laughed. Seems everyone has a joke about a pregnant lady ready to give birth.
It’s important that the dog know his place and be happy in that place within the pack. When the baby arrives, we want the dog to be happy there’s a baby in the house, not disappointed with the baby. And he said that it’s easy to do. He asked us if we had a baby doll that could stand in for the real baby that was on its way. We told him we had one. He said, “Do you have the baby powder and diaper cream and other stuff that you can put on the baby doll?” We told him that we did. He said, “Great, put it on the baby doll and pretend that baby is your baby. Walk around the house and gush over it like you will your real baby when it arrives. When the dog comes over to check it out, it gets treats. Then when it decides the baby is no big deal and that it can lay down, the dog gets a treat for that, too. It’s good to be around the baby and its good to leave it alone. That's the message.
Valerie had lots more questions. “What if the dog thinks the baby is an animal and wants to eat it? The trainer looked at Val like she had three heads. “Why do you think the dog would want to eat your baby?,” he asked. “Well, you hear about those things in the news,” Val said matter-of-factly. The trainer agreed that these things happen now and again but that it’s rarely the fault of the dog. It’s almost always something the owners did with the dog that eventually ratchets up the dog to do something drastic.Val pointed out that our dog wasn’t exactly social around other dogs and would this cause El Dog to act differently than most dogs? The trainer said, “Well, do you mind if I take El Dog and work with him for a minute?” ”Go ahead,” I said, “but I need to know that you’re not going to do something drastic with my dog like pick him up off the floor by his leash or anything like that because that’s not okay with me.” He said that’s not how he trains dogs but that it was a fair question. So I gave him El Dog and he put a pinch collar on him and took him out into the room with the other dogs and had him stand there while the other dogs were in a down-stay. El Dog just stood there and watched the other dogs. At one point, he decided he wanted to smell the doberman closest to him and the trainer gave him a stern pop of the leash and El Dog no longer was interested in sniffing the doberman. After about 3 minutes in the middle of the room with the other dogs, Francis came back with El Dog and said, “I’ve seen enough to tell me what I need to know.” Val and I both leaned forward and said, “Well, what did you see?”
Francis said, “Your dog’s not even on my radar.” We leaned closer. Francis continued, “If your dog was aggressive beyond a healthy dose of canine aggressiveness, He would have lunged, at those dogs. As soon as I gave him a correction, he backed down and said, “Francis, you’re the boss.” He allowed me to be the protector. Your dog is good, trained and smart. He just needs to be fine-tuned. He said that many Pitt-mixes have a dose of aggression but that’s it’s natural and they simply need to know how to control it and channel it through play, exercise and self-discipline.
After an hour of talking to Francis, we felt comfortable that he was the trainer for us as we learn how to fine-tune our abilities to train El Dog and continue to socialize him with other dogs so that he’s a pleasure to take on walks with our newborn no matter who we come across on the streets.
As we begin to wrap up our conversation, a few people with German shepards began to arrive and a trainer came in dressed all in quilted leather from head to toe. I recognized this from videos; shutzhund. This is a very specialized training for advanced dogs. As part of the training, the dogs are taught to attack on command. We found ourselves in the middle of a class of attack german shepards. El Dog was on full alert. The first dog marched around the room with his owner looking every 1/2 second at his owner as they walked. This dog was amazingly attentive and alert. He looked like he was having fun. Then the owner took him off his leash and gave a command to attack the trainer. Suddenly, the dog went from alert and smiling, to growling, barking and biting. It was a treat to watch a dog channel his aggression appropriately and only on command. El Dog was at full attention, he head was straight up and cocked to the side, trying to figure out what was going on and his tail was wagging.
We agreed that it would be amazing if he could control himself in the midst of such aggression nearby. We said our goodbyes and headed upstairs and out the back door into the dark alley. As we exited onto the safety of the Brookline Village sidewalks and onto the perfect village storefronts, it was like stepping out of a movie and back into reality. We looked at each other and begin to laugh, “What just happened back there?” It was surreal. In a dark basement in snobby Brookline Village, was a team of African American dog trainers teaching police dogs how to attack criminals and young professionals how to control their dogs on the quiet streets of provincial Boston. And after an hour in the underbelly of Boston, we had been regurgitated back into the safe, quiet, picture-perfect streets of one of the most prestigious neighborhoods of Boston.
We took El Dog back to the car, locked the doors and dipped into a chic Italian restaurant called, Pomadero, and I sipped a red wine and had spaghetti while Val had Carbonara and settled for water. After all, she still can’t drink for three more days. Or until our first child enters the world and rides El Dog, our pit-mix, into the sunset.
ONLY TIME WILL TELL
Every morning before I go to work I give Conor is very own concert. We start out with Twinkle, Twinkle plucked on the high strings. Then we move into “Desire,” I song I wrote years ago that the Dixie Chicks picked up and recorded. This is his favorite song and his arms wave and his feet kick the guitar as I play. Then we move on to “Pearl Handled Pistols” in which is grins as if he’s an old gun slinger reincarnated. And finally, I sing a song I wrote for him when he was 3 weeks old called, “What can little boys do when they try.” This puts him in a great mood for me to leave for work and hand the boy over to his mother. I wonder if he’s taking all this in to be a guitar player one day. He watches my fingers make the chords as if he’s memorizing them at 4 months old. Only time will tell.
OUR NURSE'S SECRETS ON HOW TO KEEP A NEWBORN HAPPY
Before we left the hospital, the nurses were kind enough to give me a cheat sheet on how to take care of my newborn. The nurses said to me, “If Conor’s crying, there’s only 4 things that might be wrong. Go down the list in this order and you’ll have a happy baby;
1. Check his diaper
2. Try burping him to see if he has gas
3. Check his temp if he appears sickly.
4. Feed him.
This has worked for a month now. We simply go down the list until we get to ‘feed him’. After that, if he’s sleeping, we put him in his crib. If he’s still fussy, we burp him and sing to him until he falls asleep. If he stays awake and stares at us, we stare back and have a nonverbal conversation. If he continues to cry after being burped. We start over on the list above. It’s that simple.
Oh, and when we’re not just hanging out with him, we keep him swaddled. Swaddling is key. Be sure to visit the “How To” link about swaddling and also the video on how to swaddle.