December 2013
IT'S NOT DEFIANCE, THE TESTING IS HEALTHY
At 2 years old, Conor is in full swing of testing Valerie and me. Just last night, I told him to stop jumping up the stairs so he wouldn’t accidently fall. He jumped up the next stair and looked back, grinning. I repeated my request and it triggered him to jump up the next step and turn around, grinning. I wondered if I should put him in a timeout for disobeying or pick him up and get him out of the ‘hot’ area.
According to Susanne Ayers Denham, a developmental psychologist, kids aren’t being defiant when they ‘test’ us. She points out that toddlers are trying to grapple with the rules of the family. They’re still trying to figure out if you need to be there to correct them each time and how they can ‘own’ the rule so they follow it even when you’re not there.
When you figure that this ‘testing’ coincides with their increasing need to be independent, it’s hard to read when a child needs to be reprimanded and when a child needs some room to learn and grow. I find this line increasingly blurry and need a constant dose of psychologists to remind me that my amazing son is following human instincts and isn’t just trying to be a pain in the ass on any given day. So thank you, Susanne, for your help today.
Comments
DON'T CHOKE ON THAT CANDY CANE, FROSTY
25/12/13 22:46
My next door neighbor is a fireman and told me that during Christmas time, firemen all over the country get an onslaught of phone calls of kids choking on candy canes. He told me of a kid just last week who had swallowed his candy cane and it got stuck sideways in his throat. His parents called 911 and were in a panic. The fire department arrived and the little boy was crying. His parents were still screaming and begging the firemen to do something. The commander noticed the boy was crying and knew the boy wasn’t choking. He told everyone to settle down and he started talking to the boy. When the ambulance arrived, they too did nothing but talk to the boy. The parents kept wanting someone to do something. But the firemen and the EMT knew that eventually, the candy cane would melt and the boy would be fine. They just stood by in case the candy cane moved and got lodged and cut off the wind pipe. The thing to remember is, if a person is able to cry or scream, they’re not choking. They are breathing and they may be uncomfortable but they are fine.
PACKING FOR TRIP TO GERMANY
09/12/13 00:00
I let Conor sleep this morning while I packed for my trip to Germany. When we headed down for breakfast I grabbed my suitcase. He said, "daddy, leave your suitcase upstairs." I asked him why but he did not look up. I put my suitcase down and we went downstairs for breakfast. He didn't say a word as we headed off to daycare. Not even when I sang "Jingle Bells." I don think he's very happy with me. It makes me sad.
CHRISTMAS TREE HANGING
03/12/13 20:46
"Honey, hang that wooden lobster in the trap a little bit higher, Conor keeps taking it down and trying to pull the lobster out." Man, decorating the tree isn't as simple and fast as it used to be. It takes a lot of thought with a 2-year old. "Conor, give me back that tin star. It's too sharp to be running around the living room with." Everything 3 feet and under has to be child proof. "Val, put that plastic reindeer way low. Conor will take it off but he can't hurt himself with it." Yeah, Decorating the Christmas tree is a whole new ball of wax now. But it's fun watching him stare at the tree and say, "Look mommy, it's a Christmas tree. Look Daddy, blue lights." And then he sits in his tiny rocking chair and just stares at it. Until he spots a Christmas ornament that he wants to play with. Then he gets out of his chair and yanks it off the tree. "Look Daddy, it's a Christmas tree on a Christmas tree. Ha, ha." He giggles as he studies the plastic Christmas tree we got in Austin 3 years ago when visiting Mom in the middle of summer.