Pregnancy
TIME TO EVICT OUR BABY FROM MOM
08/10/11 22:20
It’s been an amazing 9 months for my wife and I as we near the end of her pregnancy. It has been a time for us to grow closer, dream bigger and worry like we’ve never worried before.
After 14 days of extra lodging inside mommy, it’s time for our newborn to come out into the sunshiny world of Boston in October. After 42 weeks in the mother’s womb, complications can occur that can harm the baby so our doctor recommended intervention. It’s also called induction.
As I sit and write this, my wife is walking around the delivery room in her johnny (hospital gown for the Euro crowd); looking out the window, checking out the baby warmer and eating a chicken salad sandwich. We have recently been informed we could be here for days. Days? What? I thought things moved along fast now that medicine was intervening. Not so.
We arrived at 9:30am to MGH in Boston and we were admitted promptly to our room. It’s a nice room and it’s private. Our nurse, Susan, is very friendly and is very good to Val. Our anesthesiologist, Steve, is a graduate from my alma mater, the University of Texas, and he seems quite knowledgeable and nice. The resident doctor, Andrew, is fab and is very communicative as to what to expect as the day(s) progress.
It was then that we realized that an induction is a process that can take days, not hours. Valerie and I looked at each other with our jaws dropped. We’ve been reading books, going to regular doctor visits, taking a five week birthing class and nowhere along the way did anyone say anything about taking days to induce labor.
The doctor went on to explain that it’s not good to trigger the contractions right away until the rest of the body is also ready to “receive the baby.” It takes time for the birth canal to open up and become flexible enough for the baby to come out. So you don’t want to start the contractions if the birth canal isn’t ready. The doctor starts the process with a little pill that relaxes the birth canal. One every 4 hours. And between each pill, they check to see if the cervix is opening properly. During this time, the opening of the cervix could trigger contractions to begin. That’s a good bi-product because it means the body is taking over and no more artificial means may need to take place.
If contractions don’t start on their own and yet the cervix is beginning to open to around 3 to 5cm, the next step is for the doctor to administer pitocin. Pitocin will definitely trigger contractions to start. And since it is a medicine to kickstart the contractions, the contractions are stronger and they hurt more. Perhaps a lot more.
But at the moment, it’s all here-say because my wife is just laying in bed wondering what will happen next. She says its the calm before the storm. I’m looking for an umbrella.
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TIME FOR A SECOND OPINION ON DOG VS. BABY
01/10/11 22:34
Early on in my wife’s pregnancy, I wrote an article on how dogs and newborns get along (click here.) As the final week approaches until our first child’s arrival, we decided to get one last opinion on whether our dog can handle a newborn and whether or not we needed to beware of anything. So, after finding a trainer that specializes in training police dogs as well as public canines, we decided to have our dog evaluated by a respected trainer.
We arrived in the quaint and upscale neighborhood of Brookline Village as the sun was setting. I easily found a parking place and fed the meter its quarters. It ate them like a hungry dog at dinner time. Then myself, Val and El Dog marched across the street to the training center. There were dogs milling about and El Dog was extremely alert as the strange dogs passed by.
As we entered the facility, we were told to go downstairs where our trainer, Francis, was waiting. We pointed out that our dog wasn’t perfectly socialized and may cause a stir. The trainers said, “Great, you’re at the right place. Go downstairs where the dog will get socialized.” So we headed into the basement via the creaky, narrow staircase.
When we got downstairs, there was a class going on and there were 6 dogs in a perfect down stay as a clown of an instructor was skipping around, making a loud racket, juggling tennis balls and letting them fall where they may. The exercise was to teach the dogs to remain in a down position even with the highest distractions around them. It was teaching them self control. It was working. Only one dog popped up to play with the tennis balls. The others were bored and looked at their owners to see if they might be able to play. The owners did not give them permission. It was impressive to watch.
Meanwhile, our dog was excited as hell and wanted to run into the room and grab tennis balls and wreak havoc. El Dog looked at me and I shook my head,” no.” He begrudgingly succumbed and stopped pulling on the leash. Then Francis, our instructor, came over to evaluate El Dog. He pet El Dog and El Dog sniffed him and decided that Francis was okay. Francis asked Val how far along she was and when she said 9 months, he suggested we get started training immediately. We all laughed. Seems everyone has a joke about a pregnant lady ready to give birth.
It’s important that the dog know his place and be happy in that place within the pack. When the baby arrives, we want the dog to be happy there’s a baby in the house, not disappointed with the baby. And he said that it’s easy to do. He asked us if we had a baby doll that could stand in for the real baby that was on its way. We told him we had one. He said, “Do you have the baby powder and diaper cream and other stuff that you can put on the baby doll?” We told him that we did. He said, “Great, put it on the baby doll and pretend that baby is your baby. Walk around the house and gush over it like you will your real baby when it arrives. When the dog comes over to check it out, it gets treats. Then when it decides the baby is no big deal and that it can lay down, the dog gets a treat for that, too. It’s good to be around the baby and its good to leave it alone. That's the message.
Valerie had lots more questions. “What if the dog thinks the baby is an animal and wants to eat it? The trainer looked at Val like she had three heads. “Why do you think the dog would want to eat your baby?,” he asked. “Well, you hear about those things in the news,” Val said matter-of-factly. The trainer agreed that these things happen now and again but that it’s rarely the fault of the dog. It’s almost always something the owners did with the dog that eventually ratchets up the dog to do something drastic.Val pointed out that our dog wasn’t exactly social around other dogs and would this cause El Dog to act differently than most dogs? The trainer said, “Well, do you mind if I take El Dog and work with him for a minute?” ”Go ahead,” I said, “but I need to know that you’re not going to do something drastic with my dog like pick him up off the floor by his leash or anything like that because that’s not okay with me.” He said that’s not how he trains dogs but that it was a fair question. So I gave him El Dog and he put a pinch collar on him and took him out into the room with the other dogs and had him stand there while the other dogs were in a down-stay. El Dog just stood there and watched the other dogs. At one point, he decided he wanted to smell the doberman closest to him and the trainer gave him a stern pop of the leash and El Dog no longer was interested in sniffing the doberman. After about 3 minutes in the middle of the room with the other dogs, Francis came back with El Dog and said, “I’ve seen enough to tell me what I need to know.” Val and I both leaned forward and said, “Well, what did you see?”
Francis said, “Your dog’s not even on my radar.” We leaned closer. Francis continued, “If your dog was aggressive beyond a healthy dose of canine aggressiveness, He would have lunged, at those dogs. As soon as I gave him a correction, he backed down and said, “Francis, you’re the boss.” He allowed me to be the protector. Your dog is good, trained and smart. He just needs to be fine-tuned. He said that many Pitt-mixes have a dose of aggression but that’s it’s natural and they simply need to know how to control it and channel it through play, exercise and self-discipline.
After an hour of talking to Francis, we felt comfortable that he was the trainer for us as we learn how to fine-tune our abilities to train El Dog and continue to socialize him with other dogs so that he’s a pleasure to take on walks with our newborn no matter who we come across on the streets.
As we begin to wrap up our conversation, a few people with German shepards began to arrive and a trainer came in dressed all in quilted leather from head to toe. I recognized this from videos; shutzhund. This is a very specialized training for advanced dogs. As part of the training, the dogs are taught to attack on command. We found ourselves in the middle of a class of attack german shepards. El Dog was on full alert. The first dog marched around the room with his owner looking every 1/2 second at his owner as they walked. This dog was amazingly attentive and alert. He looked like he was having fun. Then the owner took him off his leash and gave a command to attack the trainer. Suddenly, the dog went from alert and smiling, to growling, barking and biting. It was a treat to watch a dog channel his aggression appropriately and only on command. El Dog was at full attention, he head was straight up and cocked to the side, trying to figure out what was going on and his tail was wagging.
We agreed that it would be amazing if he could control himself in the midst of such aggression nearby. We said our goodbyes and headed upstairs and out the back door into the dark alley. As we exited onto the safety of the Brookline Village sidewalks and onto the perfect village storefronts, it was like stepping out of a movie and back into reality. We looked at each other and begin to laugh, “What just happened back there?” It was surreal. In a dark basement in snobby Brookline Village, was a team of African American dog trainers teaching police dogs how to attack criminals and young professionals how to control their dogs on the quiet streets of provincial Boston. And after an hour in the underbelly of Boston, we had been regurgitated back into the safe, quiet, picture-perfect streets of one of the most prestigious neighborhoods of Boston.
We took El Dog back to the car, locked the doors and dipped into a chic Italian restaurant called, Pomadero, and I sipped a red wine and had spaghetti while Val had Carbonara and settled for water. After all, she still can’t drink for three more days. Or until our first child enters the world and rides El Dog, our pit-mix, into the sunset.
EVERYONE LIKES A PREGNANT WOMAN
10/09/11 22:38
With only 2 1/2 weeks until our first child arrives, Valerie and I decided we’d better make the most of our last ‘quiet’ days and take a little trip. Not too far in case Bean decided to show up early, but far enough to feel like we were getting away. We decided on Gloucester, MA - 45 minutes north of home.
My wife cleverly packed her snacks and a water in case she got hunger cravings on the journey. It keeps her from turning into Cruella Deville. We even packed our hospital suitcases in case she began her contractions while on our outing. We would simply divert our day out and end up at the hospital. And with those two safety nets in place, off we went.
But it wasn’t hard for the rest of the world to recognize we’re having a baby. After arriving in Gloucester, we parked the car and found an outdoor cafe on the water and had lunch. The service was dismal and the food was about the same but we were outside, it was sunny, we were happily pregnant and away for the day. All who passed us looked at Val’s stretched tummy, shaped very much like a basketball. Okay, exactly like a basketball. They would look at her tummy then up at her as if to say, “shouldn’t you be at the hospital delivery room instead of walking the streets of an artsy beach community?” Little did they know the baby still had more growing to do.
After lunch we decided to take a walk and we heard a band playing in the distance, so we followed the sounds of the rasta beats. We came upon a small crowd of people sitting on the side of the street listening. Val wanted to watch the band so she slowly lowered herself to sit on the curb. Meanwhile, I was watching a 10-year old kid riding his unicycle up and down the street. I went over to ask him how long he had been riding it. I had always wanted to have a unicyle but my parents wouldn’t get me one. He said he had taught himself a year ago. His dad was standing next to his son and enthusiastically told me his son had gotten it for Christmas last year and had woken up early in the morning for three days straight and had gone outside in his pajamas to practice, and within those three days had figured it out. The dad asked me if I were new to the neighborhood and I told him we were just visiting. He said, “Is your wife the pregnant woman?” I proudly proclaimed she is. He then introduced me to his middle aged friends and suddenly I was a new member in a friendly clique. Everyone was asking me questions, laughing, and giving me advice on being a dad. Then Ken, the first guy I met went over to my wife to see if she would rather sit in a chair. My wife said that she was fine but he decided it wasn’t fine. He went home and got a chair for her to sit in which she gladly accepted. Then after about 15 minutes, he asked me if I wanted a cold beer. I declined the offer but when he asked a second time, my weakness showed and he went home to get me one. As he returned with the beer, I noticed he came out of a four-story home on the corner lot. The foundation was made of beautiful stone and the house itself was made of Cape Cod shingles. In other words, this dude was loaded. I also noticed that Richard was coming out of the house behind us and it dawned on me that we had stumbled onto some rich families that didn’t know we drive a Honda Element and buy our furniture at Jordon’s Furniture Outlet.
Then the ladies started coming over to Val and asking her about the baby. One lady asked if she could touch Val’s belly and she gushed about she had not felt a pregnant belly since her own 21 years ago. Then Ken’s dad who was in his 70s came up to us and began to tell us his life story which was an amusing one. The whole event was just so surreal. Two strangers come to town, say a nice word to a ten-year old boy and suddenly the town is welcoming us into its protective community. They offer us to use of the bathroom in their mansion should we need to, they give us beers and they make sure Val is comfortable as we sit outside and get to know each other.
After about 2 hours of sitting in a spot we meant to only sit for 5 minutes, we bid our new friends goodbye. We shook everyone’s hand and Ken’s dad added a nice touch by kissing Val’s hand. They insisted that we come back after the baby is born and be sure to knock on their doors if they’re not out.
MY BROTHER IS GOING TO BE AN UNCLE
16/03/11 09:35
My brother is a former United States Marine. He’s a father of four and is one year younger than me. I had flown into Austin for an interactive conference and was trying desperately to see him before I flew out. Hell, I had some news to tell him. For years he kept asking, ‘When am I going to be an uncle? It would have been a pain in the ass to hear anyone else asking that question except from my bother, Michael. Finally, my wife and I met him at Whataburger for lunch. He showed us a picture of a sick red leather couch he just bought. I matched it by whipping out the dang sonogram of his nephew (or niece, not sure yet). He looked at us like we had just told him we’d won the lottery. His eyes got a little watery and I would have sworn he liked the sonogram better than his brand new sofa. I offered to help him get the sofa into the house if he’d help me get the baby out. That’s where he drew the line.